Are Relationships Supposed to Require Effort?

While immersed in watching a movie today, it made me take pause to reflect upon the notion of love, relationships and happily-ever-after. Growing up, companies like Disney shove fantasy versions of love down our throats. Brainwashing us into believing that relationships are easy and perfect, requiring no maintenance at all, at least not when we find “the one.” That the obstacle of getting someone is the hardest thing you will encounter. We analyze every morsel of our relationships under a microscope. With every bump or glitch, our love begins to falter because we start to think “now this can’t possibly be the right person for me. There are hiccups in the relationships. It’s supposed to be smooth sailing. Instead it’s requiring effort, getting hard so it must not be meant to be.”

Contrary to the love stories Disney tells, relationships are like brand-new houses. It takes awhile to find one but when you do it is absolutely perfect at first. Maybe a small flaw here or there but nothing that can’t be overlooked. But over time, the house begins to require work to keep it functioning smoothly. Regular cleanings and repairs. Eventually an appliance or two may falter or fail altogether but you don’t abandon your house at the first sign of hardship. No, you invest your time and resources to patch the house, repair the problems and get everything functioning smoothly again. Of course, we have mistakenly invested into a seemingly perfect house whose foundation was flawed from the beginning. Simply overlooked. In this case, a flawed foundation cannot be mended and therefore the house must be abandoned. But when you find the right house, you’ll know. All the rooms will meet your criteria. It will have the super-sized kitchen and living room, walk-in-closet, three car garage and spacious backyard with a pool. And, you won’t forget to make sure even the foundation is intact. But given time, even this house will needed tended to in time to keep it running smoothly.

Relationships are the same. Whether romantic or not, they require effort and energy. Too often we fail to believe in a romantic relationship because we’ve been taught that it should come easily. We forget that like any other type of relationship it takes energy, commitment and tending to. Snags aren’t there to tell you to give up; they are there to test your strength, commitment and love. We are human. We are born to err. We don’t always make the right choices, smart decisions or take the right paths. We stumble, we fall and hope someone is there to help us get back on our feet. But we do have the divine ability to love with all our hearts, build lasting relationships and forgive when someone falters.

Why is it that when someone falters or fails us, we simply want to quit? Are we incapable of forgiving those we seek for a companion yet are able to overlook the betrayal of a friend or family member?

This is not to propose the notion that all relationships are meant to be and that we should always forgive. It is more so to ask the questions of why do we so easily run when we hit a relationship rough patch? Do we not know ourselves enough to know what we desire in a romantic partner? And if you don’t know, shouldn’t you figure that out beforehand engaging in relationships of a romantic nature?

Watching “The Women” today reminded me of real life. I mean, how often do you find mermaids turning into humans for love or beasts turning into handsome princes? In the film, Meg Ryan plays the role of a woman whose husband of thirteen years cheats on her. At first she simply pretends she knows nothing. After a brief encounter with the other woman, she kicks her husband out of the house and files for divorce yet when the papers come she can’t seem to find a pen. During the course of the movie, she discovers her own identity that which had been lost during her marriage. Through her self-discovery she finally uncovers what she wants and when her husband wants a second chance to prove his love, she not only can admit to her role in the demise of their marriage but can finally tell him what she needs. To me, this sounds more realistic than love that is easily obtained. Isn’t there a saying – “that which is obtained too easily is esteemed too lightly.” How much do we really value that which is easily gotten?

When relationship glitches occur, we’d like to think the grass is greener on the other side. Believe we are missing out on some opportunity or person so that we don’t have to face our part in the problem. Convince ourself that it just “wasn’t meant to be” because quitting is far easier than actually working for a successful relationship. Since when have we ever gotten anywhere without effort, without glitches, without stumbling and falling a couple of times? And when have we ever gotten along with one another perfectly? Why do we expect a romantic relationship to be any different? Why do we expect perfection?

Frankly, I’d be bored out of my mind with someone I never disagree with. Unfortunately without a little discord there can never be any real passion. And who really wants to forfeit the passion? A few peaks and valleys, minor speed bumps along the way, are great. Rollercoaster relationships are not. Do you really want a flat-line relationship?

Figuring out what you need and want from someone on your own is key before getting into a romantic relationship. Because when rough patches occur, and they will, it is the best way to gauge whether or not you should abandon ship. If you’ve found the person you’re most compatible with why would you let them go? Why would you forgo millions of future moments of happiness just because you’re currently experiencing a few bad?

Would you pack up and sell your house just because the air conditioner kicked the bucket, even if everything else in the house was perfect? Then why do we chuck relationships at the first sign of distress, at the first sign that something needs a bit of repair?

Cerberus

In Greek mythology, Cerberus was the 3-headed watchdog guarding the entrance into Hades. Permitting only new spirits to enter the realm of the dead and allowing none to leave. Only a few managed to ever sneak by his defenses. Is that how we operate? With an internal Cerberus that lies deep within us all? A watchdog who guards our emotions, thoughts, vulnerability and heart from all those around us? A watchdog who allows only more heartbreak and tears and disappointments enter. One who swallows all our love and keeps it locked away. One who only the most clever can slip past.

When we arrive in this world, we are free and untainted. We give of ourselves freely to others. But at some point we start to hold back. As the hurt, pain and emotional scaring build up during our life we lock it all away. We withdrawl. Only those who have known us since we were young are able to deceive Cerberus. Each relationship we enter brings new hope but first you must also surpass all other failings from the previous ones. Once you have been tainted, you can never go back. In a relationship, you must first make up for someone else’s wrong-doing before you can ever truly be let in. The first time you become disappointed by someone you are tainted. From then on out your wall begins to build. Slowly stacking rock upon rock as each person passes through your life letting you down.

We build walls. Impenetrable walls around ourselves. We believe these are to keep others out but are they really there to keep ourself locked in. Tucked away. Safe from harm. Safe from more scars. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never love at all? Is it better to find love or be in love even if that person doesn’t reciprocate? Would you rather spend your life single but free from additional scars or would you want to throw yourself out there, without the walls, and experience love in all its grandor but also all its misery.

But how long can you take being disappointed in others? How long can you continue to have your heart-broken, feel betrayed, or feel used before it is too much? Is there a certain amount of pain we can endure before it is too much and we shrink back into our shells? How much is too much?

Our barriers lock us in. As much as they keep others out, they keep us locked away. Locked away from pain and misery but consequently also from happiness and love. Does happiness come in the form of living free and not worrying about how many times you are let down or is happiness found in protecting yourself from disappointment, heart-ache, tears and pain? You only live once. Do you want your life to be full of exreme happiness with bits of pain sprinkled in or one with mediocre happiness and almost no pain. Are you more afraid of loving too much or not loving enough?

The Elusive Happily-Ever-After

We all want our happily-ever-after. We all hope that the next person we fall for is “the one.” But honestly, how often does this hold to be true? What are the odds that the next person you like will become someone you date and then someone you become serious with and then the person you marry and the person you spend the rest of your life with? Realistically, I’m guessing the odds are probably about 1%, especially in today’s age when divorce rates skyrocket and people seem to work less and less at having a successful relationship.

Someone I know said he always looks about ten years down the road when he considers dating someone, while everyone is entitled to their own method of choosing who they date, I completely disagree with this method of selection. What if instead of looking years into the future before selecting someone, you simply looked at the here and now? I know this sounds awful but I think you should go into a relationship with an expectation that it won’t end in the happily-ever-after til death do us part, because even that’s not a guarantee. Not saying to go into a relationship with negative expectations but realistically 95% of relationships, at least, are doomed for failure so why delude yourself that this is “the one.” Just go with the flow and just because the relationship may ultimately lead to a bitter breakup doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try it anyways. Think of all the great moments you’ll have together. So what if it only last 2 months, 2 years or 20 years. Was the time worth it? Were all the happy memories that you shared together worth the slight pain of a break-up?

No one likes to let their guard down and feel they have been made a fool of. Sometimes we are so afraid of risking our emotions that we withhold ourselves and miss out on phenomenal opportunities. Sometimes we pretend that things will just happen on their own, but relationships need a push. They need an instigator. Someone to get the ball rolling. We are scared, we have been hurt, we carry our baggage on our shoulders and we allow past events to dictate the future. Think back to when you were a child – did you base your decisions that you made on prior events or did you simply go with the flow – not looking back on the past and not looking ahead at the future, simply allowing things to take their natural course. If it ended badly, you moved on. Carefree, accepting the good and the bad but reveling more in the good experiences you had the privilege to have because you didn’t withhold. You weren’t scared of asking someone how they felt about you because you were afraid of their answer. You weren’t afraid of approaching a stranger thinking you’d be rejected by them. You didn’t refrain from something you wanted because previous experiences dictated that they may not be trustworthy. You took risks, you jumped out of planes without parachutes and look how much happier you were.

What’s the worst that could happen? Someone “breaking your heart?” Yes it hurts, I know I’ve been there. It was the worst feeling in the world but I survived and despite the pain that accompanied the heartbreak I wouldn’t to this day trade in all the good moments I had with that person to escape the pain. I’m reveling in the moments where I have never laughed harder, never smiled longer, never felt so loved and adored and never been happier. We always tend to reflect upon our past relationships by only examining the negative, never the positive. Even with emerging relationships, we only really discuss them with our friends when it is frustrating, confusing, and not going as planned. We obsess over the bad and let the good fly out of mind. Why? Do we enjoy tormenting ourselves?

I, more than most, have been guilty of this. Letting perfect opportunities to laugh, smile, and be happy walk away because I’ve let the past and future embed themselves in the present. But I have decided that I am now going to live in the present and the present alone. No longer am I going to make someone new pay for someone else’s mistakes. Just because someone betrayed you in the past doesn’t mean that everyone else will do it. Just because someone else broke your heart doesn’t meant the next person that comes along will do the same. Just because one person lied to you does not mean everyone will. Give each new opportunity you are blessed with the privilege of having a clean slate. Try to allow that person to make their own mistakes and not be burdened with the mistakes of the people before them. Do not make them pay the price of what someone before them did to you. Don’t take things at surface value. Don’t be afraid to get to know someone before you judge them. Give them second chances when they step off the path. It takes awhile to get to truly know someone and just because they don’t react the way you want or expect doesn’t mean they are trying to deliberately hurt you. Most of the time, people aren’t out to get you, they simply screw up. Don’t deal out harsh penalties, think of when you were younger. You let people screw up and find themselves again without punishing them, without expecting them to be flawless. Stop worrying about getting hurt and start learning how to be happy, revel in the good moments and dismiss the bad.

I leave you with this story that I am borrowing from my friend, Brooke.

A Carrot, an Egg, and a Cup of Coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity … boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. “Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain when the water gets hot; it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

The Fantasy of Love

(side note: this was written in 2008)

In 2003, my mother questioned me, at the ripe age of 23, how I turned out to be so jaded when it comes to relationships and love in general. I wrote that at 23, when most people are still hopeful or still hopeless romantics, I am neither. That I had given up on both for what should I be hopeful for. Hopeful for someone to show up and break my heart? That I would love to believe  I will get one of those fairytale romances that you see in the movies but I’m realistic. Those things simply don’t happen in reality. Being jaded keeps you from suffering the pitfalls of love. Keeps you from believing in false realities.

But what if all it really does is keep you from living?

What if pretending to be a badass independent heart breaker does nothing more than keep you locked away behind a wall, a wall where you have no heart and soul and where you are only seen as some elusive figment of a fantasy?

It’s been over three years since I’ve had any inkling of a relationship and sometimes, over time, we forget what it is really all about. Over the years we become bitter and disillusioned, wondering ‘does love really exist?’ As a teenager, we are free with our heart, we may wear it on our sleeve, but we also know the meaning of loving unconditionally. We have lofty ideals of love and romanticism, how could we not given the way it is portrayed in the media that we lap up like eager kittens. Through romantic-comedies, Disney fairytales, love songs, classical portrayals such as ‘Romeo + Juliet’ and ‘The Phantom of the Opera,’ as well as romance novels, we embrace the notion of true love.

When I was younger I wholeheartedly embraced the motto of ‘the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return’ (Moulin Rouge). But after your heart has been shattered and you watch relationship after relationship crumble around you, you begin to wonder if wholeheartedly giving yourself to someone is a wise move. Then, you freeze, you hide, and you barricade yourself behind invincible walls so you don’t feel any pain. You begin to cherish your emotional barriers for they are your painkiller. You learn to strategically play the game, keeping your vulnerability at bay. Only unleashing the parts of you that open yourself up as a human without really ever individualizing you.

And for what – to keep your heart from taking a beating? A loss not compared to sacrificing all the great moments because you are simply afraid to leap. Are we unable to go the distance for love on the off-chance that we may get stung?

But what if all these barriers came down? What if you let yourself go live, actually live. Live in a world where you can actually wholeheartedly give yourself to someone. Where you are free from the fear of pain? Is love supposed to be logical, reasonable, and law abiding? Or are you supposed to see where the wind takes you?

What if you actually realized that ‘once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale.’ Does it matter if it is eternal?

Deep down inside I keep the young idealistic and romantic version of me locked away. The one who’s favorite movies are still and will forever be ‘Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,’ ‘Romeo + Juliet,’ and ‘Moulin Rouge.’ And who hopes that if she ever gets married that her husband will have the talent to sing her favorite song to her and mean it. Even though I have had my heart shattered, I would never sacrifice all the happy memories I had with him just to save me a bit of heartache. Yes, deep down, my teenage self still dreams of my knight in shining armor. I just want to bleed love again for someone.

I was reminded today of the little joys that come about from love and so I decided to flip back upon the pages of my journal to a time when I was amidst love and this is what I discovered. A tribute to all that I loved and it made me remember that there is so much more than just perhaps a bitter outcome with kinky sex in the middle.

Love is…

The way I feel when I am in his arms. His stubborn streak that rivals my own. The way he shakes his butt. The way he thinks he can swirl ice cream in a cone better than anyone else and yet he only gets the ice cream for the sprinkles in the bottom of the cone. The way he sings to me, not only real songs but also ones he makes up just for me. How he tries to make up his own words like raxxle, paxxle and schnaxxle. How he hates to have his photo taken and still lets me use him in my black and white photos. How he noticed how much I used the OED online and bought me one of my own. How he knows when I get into bed and he rolls over and surrounds me in his arms. How paranoid he gets about his hair. The way he makes me still want to be in his arms even when we are fighting. The way I feel when I am in his arms.

What is love to you?

Have you protected yourself inside an invincible fortress simply because you are afraid of being hurt?

Would you sacrifice all of your happy moments in a relationship to offset a heart-break?

Being Single in an Anti-Single Society

From the moment we are born til the moment we die, we are constantly reminded that two is better than one. Two heads are better than one. A pair of aces beats a single ace. There are all those buy one, get one free sales. Double features, two for one, the idea of a dynamic duo and then there are relationships. Over time, the notion of feeling complete through a relationship becomes so ingrained into our mindset that you can not help but feel you are better with someone than without. Until you have a significant other, you are meaningless. Any movie or story only embeds this notion further because they all revolve around the ever-present love story. Neither character can be complete until they find their “missing half.” Jerry McGuire said it best with, “you complete me.”

Often I find myself being asked, “Why are you single?” For me, this is the most loathed question of all. It can be both a compliment and insult rolled into one. Compliment if the person asking believes you to be such a catch that they are shocked you do not have someone devotedly attached to you. But, on the other hand, it could be an insult if it implies you have a flaw that has yet to be discovered. And since any respectable person would surely want to be permanently attached to someone else, this person simply wants to cut to the chase and find out what your flaw is. I get asked this demeaning question frequently, perhaps implying that I am a “catch,” yet I don’t have suitors begging to be with me. Do people really want you to answer this question truthfully? Here is my answer, “I am single because I choose to be, not because no one wants me.” While I may not have a line outside my door, I do have offers. They are just not good enough offers. I refuse to lower my standards on what I want simply because social standards demand that I have a significant other.

Has anyone ever thought of all the advantages of being single or all we all so brainwashed that we can only think of happiness and completeness in terms of a relationship? Why do we make being single sound like a deadly disease? Being single may not always be a picnic but I would far rather sleep alone than alone with someone lying next to me. Why do we never ask, “Why are you in a relationship?” This question would prove far more difficult to answer, at least honestly. Why do we only question those who are single? Why is it that only us poor single folk get the pity glances when we say “table for one” and the awful interrogations as to why we have not settled down with someone? Why is it unacceptable to be happy and single but quite alright to be lonely and depressed but in a relationship?

Why is it that we look at our value as being directly proportionate to whether or not we are currently in a relationship? Why can’t we ever be complete alone? As the saying goes, “no man is an island,” but I do believe man can be self-sustaining and whole without relying on someone else to make him happy. Why do we look to others to makes our lives seem meaningful? Dig deeper within yourself and find true happiness with who you are rather than who you are with. We define ourselves; we are not defined by our “significant” other. Only when you find happiness with who you are can you ever truly find happiness with someone else. There is nothing wrong with being single. There is, however, something wrong with being in a meaningless relationship just for the sake of feeling falsely complete.

New Text Message: We’re Over!

It has broadened our horizon, it has dramatically effected the way we conduct business, it has opened our social network on a global scale, and it has significantly eroded our ability to communicate face-to-face. While technology undoubtedly has produced a vast array of advantages in efficiency, communication around the globe, and worldly knowledge, it has also given rise to a world of impersonal communication. It is turning interaction into a heartless machine where we utilize machines to relay our conversations.

Today, we interact more through emails, the Internet, self-serve kiosks and text messaging than with actual people, this especially holding true for people in their 20s. Lee Miller, in his article ‘Technology vs. Relationships,’ states that “people in their 20’s not only have a great understanding and comfort with technology, they depend on it. Relationships almost don’t matter with them.” We are becoming relationship lazy, in both personal and professional arenas. Our society is losing the art of relationship building as we are bombarded with more technological devices that enable us to distance ourselves even more from human interactions.

Undoubtedly, the perks of increased technology allow us to conduct business in more efficient manners as we are quickly able to send and receive multiple messages in seconds. We are able to conduct business meeting with business partners on different continent and we have unlimited knowledge at our fingertips through the Internet. We are even able to visually talk to loved ones in different cities, states, and continents through computer web cameras and microphones. But what about all the risks technology imposes to building relationships in the first place?

What about the fact that our generation has lowered the standard of relationships altogether?

What about the addictive qualities of technology or the fact that technology has become an indispensable item for adulterers?

What about the fact that technology, while getting our children to become more informed and confident when dealing with others, has also made them more noticeably emotionally detached, less loyal and less caring when interacting with others?

According to John O’Neill, the Director of Addictive Services, at the Menninger Clinic in Houston, finds that technology may be as addictive as alcohol or drugs and it has the potential to wreak havoc on personal and professional relationships. He calls this ‘technology overload.’ When the Internet becomes a more powerful draw than spending time with family or friends or when someone pays more attention to gadgets than what is happening in real life. In an article on Geek Love, Heather laments about her romantic relationship that ‘wherein we used to actually interact with one another during cab rides, or walks or, you know, dinner, now I sit there and watch him make love to that damn phone.” The essence of relationships is communication and if a person can not communicate without putting it into type then there’s a definite problem.

In a world with a thousand means for communication, why are we using these technological breakthroughs for evil rather than good? We have some great ways now to open up and tell our loved ones how we are feeling but instead we are using our technological gadgets to lie and deceive more than anything. What person wants to open an email to discover that their boyfriend/girlfriend has dumped them? Call me old fashion but it simply isn’t civilized. We are not only becoming relationship lazy, we are becoming relationship cowards as we hide behind our computers and mobile phones to tell someone how we really feel. We no longer have the decency nor courage to interact with someone face-to-face. Hell, I’ve noticed a dying trend in a man’s ability to actually pick up a phone and call a girl for a date. Why risk rejection via the phone when you can send out a mass email to all your internet ladies to see who is available next Friday?

We like to believe technology offers nothing but advantages. Are you still optimistic after these statistics?

In a study conducted for the famous divorce lawyer, Michen de Reya, it concluded that 46% of people claimed that the advent of emails, texting, and Internet chat rooms has led to a massive rise in the number of people being unfaithful to their partners. 29% admitted using emails, text messaging, and chat rooms to flirt with potential partners or nurture an affair.

In a study involving 16,500 people by The Carphone Warehouse, their study discovered the following. Over 57% of individuals in the 18-24 age group have sent or received invitations to a date via text message on their mobile phone. More than one-fifth received a “Dear John” message and many people said it is reasonable to use text to avoid a conversation. One in four mobile phone users said sending flirty text messages doesn’t constitute cheating. And 21% of mobile users use their phone to deter people from approaching them. And most importantly, text messaging is now the number one phone activity, even surpassing that of using the mobile phone to actually engage in conversation.

Impersonal communication is ruining our ability to communicate with one another, especially when it comes to forging romantic relationships. We use the Internet to select potential mates, we use emails to prod and probe for more information, and we use text messaging to arrange our dates but at what point do we actually begin to interact with someone? Even after date one, it is becoming more and more customary to see an email or a text message as a follow-up rather than the old fashioned phone call or flowers. What happened to personal declarations of interest?

Nowadays, we start and end relationships via technology. How long will it be before we cut out the middle ground completely and opt to have entire relationships via our technological gadgets, virtual flowers and cybersex included. Yes, technological gadgets make it easier and more convenient to stay in touch on the go and in a time when our time is sooo valuable, but it also impedes on our ability to romance someone. Relationships and romance are being devalued as technological use increases. Virtual kisses just don’t have the same impact as the real thing, nor do virtual flowers, cards, or messages for that matter. One study said having a tv in the bedroom can cut your sex life in half, imagine what being wired 24/7 can do.

We now have dating services enabling us to post a profile online and receive automatic text messages when a match is nearby. Convenient – yes. Relationship building – not exactly. What happened to simply taking a chance by walking up to someone in the grocery store and initiating a relationship the old-fashioned way? Is our time so valuable and limited these days that we must rely so heavily on technology to even help us find our soul mate?

There is no doubt that technology has its merits, especially in the business world. But using it as the preferred method of relationship communication endangers us all to losing the fine art of building lasting and meaningful relationships with humans as opposed to technologically savvy gadgets. As we use impersonal means of communication more frequently, our words lose their value as does our ability to keep our word. The great technological paradox is that while we heavily rely upon technology for communication, it is making us lonelier as we lose our on human interaction. Most psychologists will argue that communication is the problem couples identify with most and with the increase in impersonal communication is it even shocking? We live heavily computerized lifestyles where communication through palm pilots, computers, cell phones, and devices used to connect to the Internet are normal both at home and on the job. But when do these computerized gadgets need to be tossed aside for some good old fashion face-to-face conversation? When do we need to stop encouraging interaction through technological gadgets and encourage interaction through genuine communication? Why is genuine communication between people who care for one another so difficult?

Is technology helping or hindering our ability to build relationships with each other?