On Being An Ethical Slut

We are taught that there is only one way of relating – long-term monogamous marriage. It is right, it is the best way, the natural way. But in this day in age, when everyone seems to be cheating on everyone else and the amount of sexual partners one has seems to be an ever increasing number, can we reprogram our inbred values and core of ethics to incorporate a new set of ideologies?

I began reading a new book today titled The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. The opening chapter of the book discusses the new definition they would like to introduce on the term “slut.” We’re all aware of the present offensive definition of the term used to define women who are “voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful.” Interestingly enough, the analogous word “stud” means quite the opposite. A stud describes a highly sexual man who receives approval and envy because of his sexual conquests. So how is it that men are esteemed for many sexual conquests when women are berated and demeaned for the exact same thing?

The book proposes we redefine the term “slut” to mean: “a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure and is good for you.” A slut in this instance may choose to have sex with him/herself, a single partner or with multiple people and not be worsened by it because they believe sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good. It is a place for communal living with many lovers who are all not only aware of the situation but openly embrace it. No lying, no cheating, no unfaithfulness, no betrayal because there’s no commitment. A deep understanding and appreciation of the goodness that can originate from a sexual bond where new lovers are welcomed as additions to the community instead of as competition is how the ethical slut lives.

Can human nature truly allow this type of society to exist peacefully? Can we redefine not only our definitions but ourselves to go against everything we were taught to accept this evolving lifestyle? We’re already halfway there. We are having more sexual partners but still feeling the guilt and remorse from our upbringing. How do you rearrange your ethical center when everything you’ve been taught goes against it? Growing up we were taught not to value sex as a pleasurable experience but as a reproductive course of action. According to Easton and Liszt, “historically, requirements for sexual fidelity to one partner are linked with sex-negative attitudes and attempts to control sexuality in the interest of society.” What if you stopped viewing sex negatively or with limited potential to only one partner, but, instead, you learn to embrace an open relationship where you and your partner(s) can openly explore multiple outlets for your sexual desires.

I had a discussion with my mother this past Saturday with regards to threesomes. For her, she can not understand how you can share yourself with two people at the same time because sex to her is still an intimate bonding that does not occur outside of a relationship. Not just any type of relationship but the particular relationship we have had ingrained in us since our first waking breath. From the moment we are born, we are taught that sex is something to be shared between two people who love each other a great deal. Two people who are deeply committed to one another. But what is wrong with sex for sex’s sake? I’m sure for the majority of us, our upbringing and cultural standards significantly conflict with our natural sexual desires.
So, if there were no sexually transmitted diseases to worry about or unwanted pregnancies, if all sex was consensual and pleasurable, how would you feel about sex? Would you still feel shame, remorse, regret or guilt or would you simply enjoy it for what it is? Would you be open to multiple sexual relationships if you could abstain from jealousy? Is it possible to throw out all our ingrained notions to simply have guilt-free, positive and pleasurable sex?